# Fri Aug 23 11:44:08 2002:
Scenes From Hiptop Tech Support
TECH: I'm sorry ma'am, there's no way I can stop your boyfriend from instant messaging you while he's taking a dump.

# Fri Aug 23 11:46:44 2002:
Hiptop App Development Cycle
Fred was tired of strangers asking him to show them what his hiptop could do. So he wrote a little app he liked to call "Epileptic Seizure-Inducing Wheel Blinker"

# Sun Aug 25 23:01:01 2002:
Technology Serving Mankind
By setting custom tones and beeps signifying when people were signing on and off, instant messaging and emailing him, Rob was able to monitor his online friends unobtrusively from across the room and finally convince his girlfriend he cared more about her than them.

# Mon Aug 26 12:17:36 2002:
Another Satisfied Customer
To: hipshake
Date: August, 26 2002
Subject: Thanks for telling me about the hiptop

"...so she is all like 'If you take any more naked pictures of me I'm dumping you.' So I got a hiptop and now she doesn't even realize that I have a camera with me all the time - she just thinks I am always checking my email. Plus, I can send the pics to my website instantly from wherever I am, instead of having to wait until I get home. In fact, we are on a camping trip as I write this! Oops, gotta go."
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# Wed Aug 28 16:24:48 2002:
Identity Crisis
Harold privately obsessed about why all his friends with hiptops chose the same Identity icon for his address book entry. Were they trying to send him a message? Was his hair really that unruly? Was sweat constantly flying off his forehead? That guy has pretty pointy ears - were they implying he was some sort of Vulcan? Or was it all just a coincidence? He vowed to ask one of them the next day, but, as always, he never did.

# Sun Sep 01 21:33:13 2002:
Upstanding Citizen
Officer, of course I know talking on the phone while driving is dangerous. That's why I was instant messaging.

# Wed Sep 04 16:10:31 2002:
But she's so cute!
Jim finally admitted to himself he might have an anime addiction problem when he kept trying to deliberately crash his hiptop just to see the "Code: ROM1" girl.

# Thu Sep 05 11:19:46 2002:
Niche Market
To: hipshake
Date: 5 September, 2002
Subject: misleading title

"Your site is OK, but I have to admit I was a little disappointed when I first saw it. With a name like hipshake I was expecting, you know, hiptop pr0n."

# Fri Sep 06 16:29:06 2002:
Fan Mail
Dear Rockin Rocket pilot girl,
Hello my name is Jeremy I am 8 years old I like to play your game Rockin Rocket on my mom's hiptop. Also I like to instant message but I like your game the best because sometimes my friend Larry sends me mean messages but you are never mean you just fly the rocket. I like to shoot the rocks and the UFO alien ship but he is mean too because he shoots at me first. Sometimes I shoot him and he says bad words when he blows up. You say bad words too when you are blowed up but my mom says they are not really that bad so I can still play. I am sorry that sometimes I cannot shoot the rocks or the UFO alien and then you get blowed up and say the bad words but not really that bad. I feel bad because it hurts to get blowed up. I guess it does not hurt you too much because everytime I get the hiptop and go to play you are there and you tell me to PRESS WHEEL TO START. I am glad I would be sad if one day you did not come or if you said PLEASE DON'T PRESS WHEEL TO START BECAUSE I DO NOT WANT TO BE BLOWED UP WHEN JEREMY GETS HIT BY A ROCK. Where can I get a helmet like yours do they sell them at the mall?

Love,
Jeremy

P.S. Do you think you could come visit me one time when you are not blowed up? I live in New Jersey by the post office. Please wear your helmet if you can come and IM me first I have to ask my mom if you can come over.

# Thu Sep 12 22:33:56 2002:
Is it time yet? Is it? Is it?
Hiptopstalker.com news flash! According to sources, T-Mobile will release the Sidekick on the 15th. Wait, that's a Sunday so that seems odd. They must mean the 16th. Unless they mean the 17th, because new CDs are released on Tuesdays, so that would make sense. Hold on, I just saw on the Internet the 22nd. Or, October it seems. Ok, this is exciting, it looks like Danger finally deemed to answer on of my 400 emails. "On Halloween, when the veil between this world and the next is thinnest, the Hiptop shall arrive, delivered unto you by a host of spectral skeletons riding upon ghoul-hounds while shreiking an unholy medly of demon showtunes". Well, that settles that then.

# Mon Sep 23 15:04:13 2002:
Headline Grab
Hipshake on this date hereby officially creates and claims copyright to the following news item headlines, thereby mercifully preventing their use in any publication: